Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
