So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
