mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize