Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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