fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think your dad took our porno
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
