Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
