Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
