Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
