I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
