oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
