i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
