I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
