Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
