You smell like stripper and shame
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
