yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
