I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
