So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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