The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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