Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
