You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
