hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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