2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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