There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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