Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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