just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
