Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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