It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize