My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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