Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you didnt know i had herpes?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
