so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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