p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
