Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
