It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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