Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
