I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
