my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
