dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
