I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
