This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Randomize
