Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
