Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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