Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
