I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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