I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
