I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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