so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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