It's like God shit irony all over that family
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
