This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
