i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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