Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize