did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
