Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize