i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
