I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
