lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
