Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
