I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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