he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
