I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
