dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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