Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
