can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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