I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
