Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize