I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
