we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
