If i come over, it means nothing
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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