We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
