Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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