You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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