there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
