Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
