I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
not ubering you a puppy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
