Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
