this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
