My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
