dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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