He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
