After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Non-Jews are for practice
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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